By Katrina Tulloch
Today is Good Friday…so we’ve got to have a fish fry, right? THE DOCTOR WILL SEE YOU NOW.
My Doctor Who fandom began four years ago, during the Rose Tyler epoch of the David Tennant era, which is technically a bastardization of established geological time scale terms, but we’re talking about time travelers anyway, so we can throw all the rules out the window.
Food is problematic for Doctor Who. Timelords don’t take well to the humans’ ordinary variety of vittles, as seen below. He’s starving after his eleventh transformation but needs the help of 8-year-old Amelia Pond to figure out what his new mouth will accept. After the Doctor denies yogurt, beans, carrots and sizzling bacon from the little girl who doesn’t seem to mind a hungry stranger in her house, he raids the refrigerator himself and settles on the perfect post-regeneration meal:
Because Doctor Who found the fish sticks in Pond’s freezer and custard in her fridge, I used Gorton’s frozen fish sticks and Jell-O vanilla custard. No recipe here, just follow directions on both boxes. Caution: the custard has milk, so don’t feed it to your lactose intolerant friends.
Fish fingers and custard. Gross in theory…aaaand also gross in real life. I gave it my best shot, but only could eat four fish sticks dipped in custard without starting to gag. My human mouth couldn’t handle it, so I had the rest of my sticks separately with soy sauce and lemon (like my mom makes it) and the custard for dessert. The custard got more rubbery the longer I chilled it, so if you want creamy Adipose-esque custard, eat immediately.