A Special, Secret Sandwich | “Dave”

By Blake Stilwell

Midnight snacking. We all do it. Or… we WANT to do it. Most of us are unfortunately limited to our meager refrigerators, woefully underprepared for any cravings we have in the middle of the night.

I disappoint myself constantly.

I disappoint myself constantly.

Can you imagine the unbelievable snacking capability and access to material the President of the United States must have? Obama could have anything he wants at any time. This is perhaps the most incredible power with which any head of state could be entrusted. I know I could not be trusted with this power.

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Neither could William Howard Taft.

If I had 24-7 access to free hot waffles, I would also be big enough to get stuck in the White House bathtub. In Ivan Reitman’s (remember him?) 1993 comedy Dave, Dave Kovic showed a little more restraint. Dave (Kevin Kline) had just been hired to be a stand-in for President Bill Mitchell (also Kevin Kline), who looks exactly like him. Unfortunately, the President had a stroke and the country needs Dave to sit in for a while in this charming, heartwarming story of pre-9/11 White House antics. It was almost as charming as President Clinton playing Battleship against Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff General Hugh Shelton in the White House Situation Room. Were the 1990’s great or what?

So he spends days at a time preparing for this new job (to put it lightly). Eventually, Dave takes a time out from learning how the American government works to make a late-night sandwich, sharing half with his Secret Service bodyguard, played by Ving Rhames, who would probably look nice in a sweater.

Dave later shares a sandwich with First Lady Ellen Mitchell (Sigourney Weaver) and tells her the sandwich is both very special and a secret.

The unanswered question here is why I assume the two sandwiches are the same, and thus important. I am of the opinion this must be the same sandwich because Dave is going through a very stressful situation at both points in the movie (no spoilers). In order to comfort himself late at night, I assume he makes this special sandwich. I think he has no problem making the sandwich in front of the Secret Service agent because Dave probably assumed the USSS could pretty much be trusted to take care of Presidential secrets. Luckily for us, we are privy to the secret by virtue of two distinct shots of the sandwich being made:

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There you have it, a very special, secret sandwich. And considering the size of the paper bag Dave carries out from the Deli and the comment Ellen makes about how much food he’s packing, I think it’s safe to assume he made her one of these guys. Based on what we see in the film…

Ingredients:
Lemon Wedges (for the juice)
Cucumber
Turkey
Tomato
Pickles
Shredded Carrot
Olives (stuffed with pimento)
Pickles
Mustard
Mayo
Leaf Lettuce
Provolone Cheese
Ham
Cheddar Cheese

Slap these on a Sub Roll and you’ve got yourself the President of Sandwiches. Perfect for any social situation: football games, parties, or chatting late night with the Secret Service agent assigned to you while you’re pretending to be the President of the United States while the real President recovers from a stroke he had while cheating on his wife with a White House secretary. The usual things.

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Hail to the Chief, he’s the one we all say hail to.

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