Tag Archives: Chili

Guatemalan Insanity Pepper Chili | “The Simpsons”

So you wanna be the Pope of Chilitown, do you? Grab your wooden spoon and your chili boots, because it’s time to make Chili like Chief Wiggum.

I got mine just for the occasion.

I got mine just for the occasion.

The weather is chilly enough for chili, even here in LA. So why not save some money on the thermostat and make a chili that makes you sweat? In this instance, the chili will be powered by the Merciless Peppers of Quetzalacatenango… grown deep in the jungle primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum.

 

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This is what it’s like to hold one.

 

That’s not entirely accurate. Guatemala is where Chief Wiggum gets his peppers to challenge Homer’s dominance of Springfield’s Annual Chili Cook Off. In the ninth episode of the Simpsons’ eighth season, Wiggum intentionally used the hot pepper to embarrass Homer at the cook off. Homer coats his mouth with wax after drinking a candle and shows Chief Wiggum who’s boss. But I’ll give it to you straight, you’re going to want some beer of your own for this one. Or milk. Or whatever you think will cool that burn.

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I write a lot of Simpsons-related recipes at As Eaten, but this one is special. Yes, it is winter. That’s not special. What is special is that for the special ingredient in this one, I went to the shores of Lake Panajachel in the Guatemalan highlands and specifically retrieved the “Insanity Pepper” of Simpsons fame. The locals had actually heard of it and knew the Simpsons episode. Except they call it a horse pepper, a chile caballo, which is classified as a Rocoto Pepper. Rocoto Peppers can be rated for up to 250,000 Scoville heat units, making it one of the top ten hottest peppers in the world.

Now let's eat some of them.

Now let’s eat some of them.

First, I start with your standard pepper-centric chili recipe, with my standard disclaimer. As in the “Sloppy Jessica” post, I am from Ohio and that’s why I chose Skyline Chili for that sandwich. To me, chili tastes better with cocoa powder and/or cinnamon.

Ingredients: 

  • 2 lbs. juicy ground chuck
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • 2 large carrots, sliced into rounds
  • 2 stalks of celery, sliced
  • 1 red pepper, roughly chopped
  • 1 green pepper, roughly chopped
  • 1 medium onion, roughly chopped
  • 12 mushrooms, roughly chopped
  • 12 to 16 medium tomatoes, roughly chopped
  • 1 small can of tomato paste
    OR 1 28 oz can of diced and 1 28 oz can of crushed tomatoes)
  • 1 tbsp. cumin
  • 1 tsp. oregano

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  • 1 tsp. paprika
  • 1 tsp cayenne
  • 1 tsp. coriander
  • 2 tsp. chili powder
  • 2 tsp. cocoa powder
  • 1 tsp. cinnamon
  • 8 cloves of garlic, crushed
  • 1 to 3 Guatemalan Insanity Peppers, depending on how much of a chili wuss you are.
Lightly brown the ground beef. Lightly sear the peppers. Remove the beef and pepper from the grill. Remove the beef from the skewers and put them into a 4 to 6 quart slow cooker juice and all.
Chop all the vegetables, starting with the carrots and celery, then add them to the slow cooker. Then add the spices. Turn on the slow cooker to low. Then add the garlic. This is where we add the peppers. How you want to add them is up to you. Some cut them up like other vegetables, others will add them whole or half. I did a little of both.
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Wearing gloves and using a non-porous surface like a plastic or glass cutting board, remove the top of the insanity pepper(s) and split it open.  You can remove the seeds and membranes to cut down on the heat, or you can leave them in. Mince the pepper and add that to the slow cooker. Please wear gloves. You won’t be able to touch your eyes, nose, mouth, dogs, or loved ones for a week or so afterward if you don’t.
Guess why.

Guess why.

Add the tomatoes, stir well.
Let the chili cook for 6 hours on high, or 8 to 12 hours on low, stirring every once in a while. It’s finished when the carrots are tender. If you want to use the stovetop (as I did), you can set it to simmer on low for 3-5 hours.
In your face, Space Coyote!

In your face, Space Coyote!

Serve with some bread, a bit of sour cream or cheese. Or all three.

Don’t be surprised if you don’t remember much the next day.

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Sloppy Jessica | “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”

by Blake Stilwell

I have never been more excited about carbohydrates as I am at this moment. While watching my favorite new show of the 2013 Fall season, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, I came across the Sloppy Jessica, something I had never before heard of but completely support.

This bit of sandwich glory appeared after Sergeant Jeffords (Terry Crews), Detective Santiago (Melissa Fumero), and office secretary Gina Linetti (Chelsea Peretti), start a horrible crash diet – whose lunches include a single carrot and a snack of a razor-thin slice of cantaloupe – and Gina caves immediately. As the other two sit down to lunch, Gina brings in the Sloppy Jessica, described as “mac-and-cheese-chili pizza on a bun.”

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The important thing for this younger sister of the Sloppy Joe is to determine how to best interpret “mac-and-cheese-chili pizza on a bun.” Should we make a whole pizza and stuff it onto a bun? Or make a pizza of the bun and cover it with Mac n’ Cheese and then Chili? Or just Chili Mac? The possibilities are endless! But, based on how the sandwich itself looks onscreen (I know it’s just a sitcom, but whatever) it looks like the Mozzarella is on the bottom and the rest of the bun is filled with delicious chili and Mac n’ Cheese. So it’s a sandwich in three parts! Being from Southern Ohio, I have a distinct kind of Chili preference, so I don’t often make Chili from scratch (I do have a recipe, but that’s a secret), but there are a number of awesome Chili recipes out there. While they wouldn’t be using Cincinnati Chili in Brooklyn (that’s found in Manhattan), I used it here because I want this to be as awesome as possible.

I think it would be better to make the two separately and mix them, as I often find chili mac to be really dry and half the fun of the two dishes when cooked separately. Feel free to make Chili Mac  from another recipe if that’s your preference!

Ingredients:
• Kraft Cheese and Macaroni
• Chili
• Mozzarella Cheese
• Hoagie Buns

SJIngredients

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350°F. Open the bun and remove some of the interior. Then add a layer of mozzarella cheese thick enough to create a thick melted layer.

Cook Kraft Macaroni and Cheese as per instructions on the box (don’t mess with a classic).

Prepare chili as instructed by your personal tastes and/or laboriously developed chili recipe)

Toast sub roll and melt the cheese into the bun

Mix Chili and Mac n’ Cheese (if necessary)

Add Chili & Mac Mixture to Melted Cheese Bun

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My Sloppy J.

 

Enjoy for Hours, Lament for Days

 

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My Sloppy J.

 

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