Tag Archives: milk

Sausage and Waffle and Fried Chicken Breakfast Lasagna | “The Boondocks”

by Blake Stilwell

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I’ve always come short of writing direct Thanksgiving recipes. As Eaten has a recipe for a nice holiday dessert. We have a recipe to tell you what to do with Thanksgiving leftovers. I’m not one to tell you what to do with your Thanksgiving food, no matter how bad it might be. Today we have a Thanksgiving-related post, not in terms of the kind of food or celebration of the holiday, but today we celebrate what comes after. This post is a celebration of The ‘Itis.

Itis: /ī-təs/ n. – The general feeling of lethargy and well-being experienced after eating a large, usually high calorie meal. This phenomena is particularly triggered by foods high in carbohydrates and red meat.

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In season 1, episode 10 of the critically acclaimed and often controversial animated series the Boondocks, Robert “Granddad” Freeman (John Witherspoon) cooks up Huey’s (Regina King) broccoli with pork, to which Huey says “vegetables cooked with pork counts as pork!” The meal he makes for entrepreneur Ed Wuncler (Ed Asner) and a local couple, the Dubois, inspires the creation of The Itis, a restaurant with beds instead of tables and a menu that, according to Huey, “will cause death.”

The signature menu item is the “Luther,” a one-pound burger, soaked in butter and cheese, served with five strips of bacon on a grilled Krispy Kreme doughnut.

So why opt to make the breakfast lasagna, instead of the Luther, featured so heavily in the episode? The Luther is pretty common by now, you can even order one for Sunday brunch at Churchkey in Washington, DC. Also, Krispy Kremes are hard to come by in Upstate Central New York. Also, if you watch the rest of the episode, you know the terrible effects the Luther can have on a community, and I wouldn’t want to inflict something like that on you, dear reader. I also promised to make a real dish this time, instead of another sandwich.

Also, the irony of writing a blog post, creating a recipe from an episode of a show that is not only a scathing indictment of the movie Soul Food, but also of soul food itself, is not lost on me.

Ingredients:

This is a six-part miniseries. You’ll need waffles instead of lasagna noodles, made for multiple layers, as well as layers of eggs, a sausage layer, a fried chicken layer, and enough sausage gravy and cheese for other layers.

Maple Syrup
Pepper Bacon
Shredded Cheddar Cheese
Pepper to Taste

Sausage Layer:
4 fresh sausage links
maple syrup

Fried Chicken Layer:
6-8 boneless fried chicken thighs
large bottle of vegetable, peanut, or canola oil
4 cups flour
1 tsp garlic powder
1 tsp onion powder
2 tsp cayenne pepper
2 tbsp paprika
2 tbsp salt

Sausage Gravy:
3 tbsp butter
2 fresh sausage links, casings removed
1/4 c flour
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon black pepper
1 1/2 cups milk
1/8 teaspoon cayenne pepper

Waffle Layer(s):
You could always buy Eggos, which is waffle blasphemy, or make an instant waffle mix, which is less horrifying.

1 3/4 cups unbleached, all-purpose flour
1 tablespoon baking powder
1 1/2 tablespoons sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 3/4 cups milk
2 eggs
1/2 cup canola oil
1 teaspoon vanilla

Scrambled Egg Layer:
6 Eggs
3/4 c Ricotta Cheese
1/2 lb Shredded Cheddar
Salt/Pepper

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  1. For the scrambled eggs, whisk eggs and salt together in a large bowl. Melt butter in a large nonstick skillet over medium heat. When foam subsides, add eggs and stir until eggs are almost cooked but still runny in parts, about 2 minutes. Remove from heat and stir in ricotta until incorporated but clumps of cheese are still visible.
  2. To make fried chicken, mix the dry ingredients with the flour, then place seasoned flour in a paper bag. Add 4 to 5 pieces of chicken to the bag and shake, coating thoroughly in seasoned flour. Fill a large skillet 3/4 full with good, clean oil. (I used canola, but granddad probably used peanut or vegetable). Heat the oil to 325° F and put chicken one at a time into the oil. Don’t let the chicken pieces touch. Cook until juices start to flow out of the chicken. Turn with tongs, cook another five minutes. Place chicken onto paper towel-lined plate. When in doubt, use a meat thermometer. Chicken should be cooked to 158°.
  3. To cook the sausage gravy, heat butter in a large frying pan over medium-high heat until foaming. Add sausage and cook, breaking it up into smaller pieces with a wooden spoon, until the meat starts to brown, about 5 minutes. Reduce heat to medium. Add flour, salt, pepper, and cayenne. Cook, stirring frequently, for 1 minute. Gradually stir in milk, scraping up any browned bits from the bottom of the pan. Bring to a simmer, stirring constantly, until the mixture has thickened slightly, about 1 minute more. Remove from heat.
  4. To cook the sausage, fry the sausages until the fat and juices start to fill the pan. Once there’s a layer of  fat in the pan, add a tablespoon of maple syrup to each link and cook thoroughly. Slice the sausage at an angle.
  5. For the waffles, separate the yolks and the whites. Set the whites aside and mix dry ingredients in a large bowl. Make a crater in the middle and mix the wet ingredients (except the egg whites) there. Then mix the whole batter.Whip the egg whites until stiff, then fold the whites into the batter bowl. Cook in a waffle iron.
  6. Fry bacon until crispy, keep in long strips and dry on a paper towel.
  7. To assemble lasagna, butter a 8×8-inch casserole dish. Place waffles side by side in the bottom of the dish. Spread 1/4 cup of maple syrup evenly over the waffles. Top with half the scrambled eggs. Layer sausage slices on top of the eggs. Sprinkle half the cheddar evenly over the eggs. Top with half the sausage gravy. Repeat these layers once more. Finish by arranging bacon strips in an even layer on top. Add extra pepper, liberally at any level, because black pepper is awesome.

Bake at 400°F for 15 minutes. Lasagna can be assembled the day before, covered, and refrigerated until ready to serve. Remove lasagna from oven and let sit for 30 minutes before slicing and serving.

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You really can’t (shouldn’t) eat too much of this at any one time and the resulting Itis is immediate, especially when eaten in the morning.

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Sloppy Jessica | “Brooklyn Nine-Nine”

by Blake Stilwell

I have never been more excited about carbohydrates as I am at this moment. While watching my favorite new show of the 2013 Fall season, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, I came across the Sloppy Jessica, something I had never before heard of but completely support.

This bit of sandwich glory appeared after Sergeant Jeffords (Terry Crews), Detective Santiago (Melissa Fumero), and office secretary Gina Linetti (Chelsea Peretti), start a horrible crash diet – whose lunches include a single carrot and a snack of a razor-thin slice of cantaloupe – and Gina caves immediately. As the other two sit down to lunch, Gina brings in the Sloppy Jessica, described as “mac-and-cheese-chili pizza on a bun.”

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The important thing for this younger sister of the Sloppy Joe is to determine how to best interpret “mac-and-cheese-chili pizza on a bun.” Should we make a whole pizza and stuff it onto a bun? Or make a pizza of the bun and cover it with Mac n’ Cheese and then Chili? Or just Chili Mac? The possibilities are endless! But, based on how the sandwich itself looks onscreen (I know it’s just a sitcom, but whatever) it looks like the Mozzarella is on the bottom and the rest of the bun is filled with delicious chili and Mac n’ Cheese. So it’s a sandwich in three parts! Being from Southern Ohio, I have a distinct kind of Chili preference, so I don’t often make Chili from scratch (I do have a recipe, but that’s a secret), but there are a number of awesome Chili recipes out there. While they wouldn’t be using Cincinnati Chili in Brooklyn (that’s found in Manhattan), I used it here because I want this to be as awesome as possible.

I think it would be better to make the two separately and mix them, as I often find chili mac to be really dry and half the fun of the two dishes when cooked separately. Feel free to make Chili Mac  from another recipe if that’s your preference!

Ingredients:
• Kraft Cheese and Macaroni
• Chili
• Mozzarella Cheese
• Hoagie Buns

SJIngredients

Instructions:

Preheat oven to 350°F. Open the bun and remove some of the interior. Then add a layer of mozzarella cheese thick enough to create a thick melted layer.

Cook Kraft Macaroni and Cheese as per instructions on the box (don’t mess with a classic).

Prepare chili as instructed by your personal tastes and/or laboriously developed chili recipe)

Toast sub roll and melt the cheese into the bun

Mix Chili and Mac n’ Cheese (if necessary)

Add Chili & Mac Mixture to Melted Cheese Bun

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My Sloppy J.

 

Enjoy for Hours, Lament for Days

 

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My Sloppy J.

 

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Creamed Chipped Beef | “Band of Brothers”

by Blake Stilwell

There’s a new thing happening here in the nation’s capital: Sequester. Some people don’t know what it is, others don’t know what it means. I’m not even really sure. But if the national and international news media are to believed, we’re surely headed for economic calamity. In honor of our upcoming fiscal doom and/or gloom, I’m going  to make the (in)famous Depression Era favorite and American Midwest staple dish, Creamed Chipped Beef on Toast. Or as Easy Company, 506th Infantry Regiment called it:

SOS, S**t on a Shingle.

That's the line for the bathroom.

That’s the line for the latrine.

If you haven’t read this book (you should), you may have seen the HBO Miniseries produced by Tom Hanks and Steven Spielberg. It also starred Damian Lewis, who is now on Showtime’s Homeland, Ron Livingston from Office Space, and even had David Schwimmer, who will always be Ross from Friends whether he wants to be or notThe men of Easy Company were all also real people and the incredibly astonishing things they did to change the history of the world in the book and on the show REALLY HAPPENED.

There’s a reason they’re legendary.

"Sir, did you know one of the guys from New Kids on the Block got the role of Sgt. Lipton? I didn't see that coming."

“Sir, did you know one of the guys from New Kids on the Block got the role of Sgt. Lipton? I didn’t see that coming.”

The US Armed Forces didn’t make it easier on these poor guys either, because Creamed Chipped Beef also really happened. The guys who bravely captured fortress Europe and liberated everything in their way were probably forced to eat it on more than one occasion. In his book, Stephen Ambrose mentions its consumption while Easy Company is still Stateside:

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There’s a definitive reason it was the Army’s favorite meal for deployed troops. If a seasoned grocery shopper were to read the ingredients list, the reason would soon become apparent. Take  look at this page from the 1945 Manual for Navy Cooks:

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Everything on it is either really cheap or leftover from another meal! I don’t blame the military, it’s a cheap way to give troops a hot meal. As a veteran myself, I can testify that a hot meal at a chow hall is sometimes the only comfort you can get out there. I can also attest to the fact that the military STILL SERVES THIS. They just replace the dried chipped beef with ground hamburger or sausage (they try to assure everyone it’s like a sausage gravy, but it isn’t. It really is not). Thanks, Obama.

On to the recipe: It calls for 1 3/4 Gallon of dried chipped beef, 5 gallons of milk, 1 quart of fat (animal unimportant), 2 1/2 quarts of flour, 1 3/4 tablespoon of pepper, and 100 slices of toasted bread. If you’re not having a hundred 90 year old World War II veterans over for dinner later (though we all probably should be every night), you can break it down like this:

3 c Dried, Chipped Beef (this will be found in the lunchmeat section, next to bologna, where it belongs)

7 1/2 c Milk (Lactaid will work for this)

1/3 c Fat (animal still unimportant, but I recommend bacon. I always recommend bacon)

1 c Flour

1/2 tsp Pepper (or just pepper to taste, rationing is over. We won the war, after all)

Disclaimer: This is going to taste bland at first, but I really recommend you wait until the dish is cooked before adding extra salt. The beef is salty and so might the fat be (especially if you used bacon fat), so adding extra salt during prep might make this dish awful in an unexpected way.

Yes, a different kind of awful.

Yes, a different kind of awful.

First, chop the beef. Then melt the fat and mix with flour until it forms a smooth paste, almost like a roux. Bring the milk to a boil and reduce heat to medium. Add the fat flour, and stir til it thickens, then add the chopped beef and pepper and stir well. Simmer for ten minutes and serve over your shingles (toast).

Be warned: adding flour directly to the milk, instead of making the fat roux will result in lumpy, horribly thick cream that even a blender can’t help you fix. Be sure to follow orders on this one. It will ruin the texture of the whole meal. Speaking of texture, be sure to start eating once it’s on the toast. Nothing gets mushy quite as fast as toasted white bread.

My SOS

My SOS

 Now it’s confession time. My mama used to make this for us all the time when my siblings and I were growing up. This dish is in entrenched in my heart. The smell of it makes me homesick (it has a very unique smell) and I will always love the taste of it because it is a piece of home. I was horrified and disappointed to see the Army Chow Hall use ground beef and/or sausage in it, but not surprised. Any one can make this. It’s a fairly simple white sauce with a salty beef twist.

The best part is if no one likes it, or you mess it up (which is still possible) it only cost you ten dollars or so to make,which is a price to be appreciated by any furloughed federal employee, not just the retired federal employees who fought the Nazis.

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Twinkie Wiener Sandwich | “UHF”

by Blake Stilwell

A blog about food in media should start out with one of the past masters of ridiculous. And who could possibly bring this to the apex of hilarity better than “Weird” Al Yankovic himself? The Twinkie Wiener Sandwich is a delicacy that first appeared in 1989’s UHF, a film that was poorly reviewed and didn’t do very well at the box office, but has since become a cult favorite because it is actually pretty funny. It also features a young Fran Drescher, a young Michael Richards, and my favorite appearance by comedian Emo Philips. But none of that really matters right now, because we’re talking about food here.

The Twinkie Wiener Sandwich is fairly self-explanatory. And the preparation is covered pretty well in the movie. Slice a Twinkie down the middle, place a hot dog in your new “bun,” then a little bit of spray cheese, and you’re all set (I couldn’t see what kind of cheese it was, so I used Cheddar here).

My Twinkie Wiener Sandwich was actually really delicious. The salty plays off the sweet in a way that shouldn’t be right but really is. The texture could use some work, but really, the cheddar takes care of that weird preservative film that gets in your mouth from eating a Twinkie… and its creepy aftertaste.

My TWS

This actually did cheer me up after a rough day.

The proper way to consume this delicacy would be to dip it in milk (fig. 1), but seeing as my years of lactose intolerance won’t let me enjoy regular milk (the hypocrisy of my eating cheese isn’t lost on me… Lactaid does nothing for the awful flavor of cow’s milk), I opted to forgo that part.

Fig. 1

Fig. 1

I know what you’re thinking… “Sure, during the sleek, dazzling veneer of the 1980’s, Twinkies probably rained from the sky. But in Obama’s America, they’re a luxury some of us just don’t have!”

To that, I ask how dedicated are you to this process anyway? Twinkies are still available. The market equilibrium is just slightly higher. Ok, a lot higher. But nothing is impossible. Go here: http://www.ebay.com/sch/i.html?_trksid=p5197.m570.l1313&_nkw=twinkies&_sacat=0&_from=R40

It’s not like Twinkies are going to go bad on you anytime soon.

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