by Blake Stilwell
I realize I’ve been making a lot of sandwiches lately. I wonder what it is about the sandwich that makes it so popular in television and film. Maybe sandwiches are inherently funny? I promise more substantial foods in the future, but for now… It has long been a secret dream of mine to be so famous (or rather, well-known) that a deli somewhere feels compelled to name a sandwich after me. If this ever happened, I of course would want it to be delicious… like some kind of fried catfish po’boy with cole slaw or a gruyère grilled cheese with caramelized onions or something like that. To have a sandwich named after you that tastes terrible would be aggravating. Of course it happened to Larry David in the first episode of season five of HBO’s Curb Your Enthusiasm. This both is and is not a joke. It’s a joke in that it’s a hilarious thing that happened to Larry on the show, it’s not in that this is really the sandwich we are about to make right now.
• Smoked Whitefish
• Sabel (or some other kind of smoked whitefish)
• Cream Cheese
• Rye Bread
The sandwich itself is pretty easy to make, as all sandwiches tend to be. The ingredients might be a little hard to find, though surprisingly, smoked whitefish is widely available. I didn’t know this because I have never had a desire to buy smoked whitefish for any reason ever. And apparently Sabel is just another kind of whitefish. I couldn’t really find something called sabel, but I was able to find another whitefish, which… I guess is good. Even this monstrosity would make your dad proud. Personally, I wouldn’t care if I like my own sandwich or not, I just want the sandwich. In the end, it became the Richard Lewis because two kinds of fish just wasn’t good enough for Larry.
F**k you, Larry.