Tag Archives: The Simpsons

Guatemalan Insanity Pepper Chili | “The Simpsons”

So you wanna be the Pope of Chilitown, do you? Grab your wooden spoon and your chili boots, because it’s time to make Chili like Chief Wiggum.

I got mine just for the occasion.

I got mine just for the occasion.

The weather is chilly enough for chili, even here in LA. So why not save some money on the thermostat and make a chili that makes you sweat? In this instance, the chili will be powered by the Merciless Peppers of Quetzalacatenango… grown deep in the jungle primeval by the inmates of a Guatemalan insane asylum.

 

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This is what it’s like to hold one.

 

That’s not entirely accurate. Guatemala is where Chief Wiggum gets his peppers to challenge Homer’s dominance of Springfield’s Annual Chili Cook Off. In the ninth episode of the Simpsons’ eighth season, Wiggum intentionally used the hot pepper to embarrass Homer at the cook off. Homer coats his mouth with wax after drinking a candle and shows Chief Wiggum who’s boss. But I’ll give it to you straight, you’re going to want some beer of your own for this one. Or milk. Or whatever you think will cool that burn.

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I write a lot of Simpsons-related recipes at As Eaten, but this one is special. Yes, it is winter. That’s not special. What is special is that for the special ingredient in this one, I went to the shores of Lake Panajachel in the Guatemalan highlands and specifically retrieved the “Insanity Pepper” of Simpsons fame. The locals had actually heard of it and knew the Simpsons episode. Except they call it a horse pepper, a chile caballo, which is classified as a Rocoto Pepper. Rocoto Peppers can be rated for up to 250,000 Scoville heat units, making it one of the top ten hottest peppers in the world.

Now let's eat some of them.

Now let’s eat some of them.

First, I start with your standard pepper-centric chili recipe, with my standard disclaimer. As in the “Sloppy Jessica” post, I am from Ohio and that’s why I chose Skyline Chili for that sandwich. To me, chili tastes better with cocoa powder and/or cinnamon.

Ingredients: 

  • 2 lbs. juicy ground chuck
  • salt and pepper to taste
  • 2 large carrots, sliced into rounds
  • 2 stalks of celery, sliced
  • 1 red pepper, roughly chopped
  • 1 green pepper, roughly chopped
  • 1 medium onion, roughly chopped
  • 12 mushrooms, roughly chopped
  • 12 to 16 medium tomatoes, roughly chopped
  • 1 small can of tomato paste
    OR 1 28 oz can of diced and 1 28 oz can of crushed tomatoes)
  • 1 tbsp. cumin
  • 1 tsp. oregano

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  • 1 tsp. paprika
  • 1 tsp cayenne
  • 1 tsp. coriander
  • 2 tsp. chili powder
  • 2 tsp. cocoa powder
  • 1 tsp. cinnamon
  • 8 cloves of garlic, crushed
  • 1 to 3 Guatemalan Insanity Peppers, depending on how much of a chili wuss you are.
Lightly brown the ground beef. Lightly sear the peppers. Remove the beef and pepper from the grill. Remove the beef from the skewers and put them into a 4 to 6 quart slow cooker juice and all.
Chop all the vegetables, starting with the carrots and celery, then add them to the slow cooker. Then add the spices. Turn on the slow cooker to low. Then add the garlic. This is where we add the peppers. How you want to add them is up to you. Some cut them up like other vegetables, others will add them whole or half. I did a little of both.
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Wearing gloves and using a non-porous surface like a plastic or glass cutting board, remove the top of the insanity pepper(s) and split it open.  You can remove the seeds and membranes to cut down on the heat, or you can leave them in. Mince the pepper and add that to the slow cooker. Please wear gloves. You won’t be able to touch your eyes, nose, mouth, dogs, or loved ones for a week or so afterward if you don’t.
Guess why.

Guess why.

Add the tomatoes, stir well.
Let the chili cook for 6 hours on high, or 8 to 12 hours on low, stirring every once in a while. It’s finished when the carrots are tender. If you want to use the stovetop (as I did), you can set it to simmer on low for 3-5 hours.
In your face, Space Coyote!

In your face, Space Coyote!

Serve with some bread, a bit of sour cream or cheese. Or all three.

Don’t be surprised if you don’t remember much the next day.

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Ross’ Turkey Sandwich | “Friends”

It’s not Thanksgiving, and we’re pretty far from November, but after almost two whole months, As Eaten On TV is back and we have much to discuss. We never never stopped cooking, we just couldn’t share… until now. So to give thanks for our return, we turn to a Thanksgiving favorite from the 90’s, The Geller Thanksgiving Leftover Sandwich, complete with the “Moist Maker” (I called it the Geller sandwich, by the way, because though it was popularized by Ross’ insane infatuation with it, it was Monica’s creation. But for simplicity’s sake, we’ll call it Ross’ from now on, because as any avid Friends watcher knows, it’s HIS).

If you are unfamiliar with this sandwich offhand, I imagine one of four things are true about you:

– You didn’t watch “Friends” at all when it aired and had no friends who watched “Friends”
– You didn’t live in the United States prior to 2000
– You were born in the 1990’s
– You don’t watch TV and are here by accident

Falling into any of these categories is alright, because I’m about to explain it all. Here’s the scene:

Sadly, this was the beginning of the end for Ross Geller. No, he doesn’t die. His character slowly drifts away into madness, becoming a caricature of what he once was.

If this were real life, he'd be in the loony bin by season 8.

If this were real life, he’d be in the loony bin by season 8.

But he wasn’t wrong about the Moist Maker. I imagine that adding stuffing to the sandwich, while delicious, is not likely to help in the moisture department. Leftover cranberry sauce would not be enough. There’s just no culinary crime like a dry turkey sandwich (Simpsons did it!):

"Turkey's a little dry?? DAMN YOU"

“Turkey’s a little dry?? DAMN YOU”

Conceptually, I avoided adding anything that would not be on the table for Thanksgiving. This is about using leftovers, after all. So I did not add mustard, fresh vegetables or anything else. I see leftover cranberry sauce, because everyone buys it for the ONE PERSON who actually eats it and there’s no way that person would eat it all (that’s why it comes in very small cans, because after a while, even the Ocean Spray people are going to start to feel bad about the sheer volume of wasted cranberry sauce).

Stuffing and gravy are included because I feel they are always the most popular part of the meal (at least, this is so in the Midwest, where I grew up, where poultry-flavored carbs and gravy beat the Depression). Mashed potatoes are not included because not everyone who likes the mashed potatoes covers them in gravy. I don’t know why. But they exist.

Things like macaroni and cheese, various vegetable dishes and fruit are also not included because there is never any leftover mac & cheese, the vegetables are made for specific  people who ask for them and usually don’t make it past the second football game and nobody really wants fruit on Thanksgiving unless its baked into a pie.

I also didn’t put the sandwich on a roll because Ross specifically mentions that there are three slices of bread. I used a fresh-baked loaf of white bread and this is where your first step should be. Get that bread soaking in the gravy immediately. The Moist Maker is the centerpiece of the sandwich and it’s the only reason I am even writing this post.

The longer the Moist Maker soaks, the more moist your sandwich will be when you go to eat it.

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I used a pie tin.

Ingredients:

– 3 Slices of White Bread
– 1/2 c Leftover Gravy
– Leftover Stuffing
– Leftover Turkey
– Unopened Can of Cranberry Sauce

Open the disused can of cranberry sauce (check the expiration date) and spread to two slices of bread. Throw the rest away, don’t even pretend you might use it for something else (and unless you’re reading this on November 20th, no, it will not make it ’til actual Thanksgiving).The rest is fairly obvious. If you wanted to make this without actually cooking a bird and stuffing it, you could just go get some Stove Top and sliced turkey from a deli. On the flipside, if you have that much turkey left over after a meal, you can actually bring your cooked bird to a butcher, deli or grocery store and they will slice it up for you, usually without charge.

For a truly leftover experience, put the finished sandwich in the fridge (with a note) for a few hours and really test the ability of the Moist Maker to revive the sandwich.

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I do have to say that Donald was right in that it’s a large sandwich, a lot of food. I would never have dreamed of throwing it away, though. Saving it to eat later is what this sandwich is all about.

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Homer Simpson’s Patented Space Age Out of This World Moon Waffle | “The Simpsons”

I am a huge fan of liquid smoke now. I never tasted it before making these waffles, but I really am now. I know, I know, I’m getting ahead of myself, I just don’t want anyone to be turned off when they read the ingredients list. We at As Eaten are aware that not every food idea on television is a good idea.

Homer Isn’t Wrong About This One.

This is from the fourth season of The Simpsons, where homer decides to skip church one cold winter Sunday. The waffle becomes an integral part of that day (and Homer’s subsequent decision to leave the church). I don’t know that these are so good they’ll make people give up religion and become hedonists, but it might make hedonists want to add this recipe to their own Sunday morning ritual.

The ingredients are easy enough to find, though the liquid smoke may require a trip to a larger supermarket. For waffle batter, I used “Jiffy” Mix, which is a “just add water batter,” but if you find yourself without the instant batter, you can make waffle batter with:

– 2 cups Jiffy Mix
– 1 1/4 cups of 2% milk
– 2 med eggs
– 2 tbsp melted margarine

Blend well. If you have the instant kind, follow the recipe on the package.

For Homer’s Patented Space Age Out of This World Moon Waffles, you will also need:

– 5-6 Caramel Squares, easily obtainable around Halloween, but Kraft makes and sells them year round. This is if you’re a traditionalist. If you just want the caramel flavor, you can use caramel syrup, with negligible loss of flavor.
– 2 Tbsp Liquid Smoke

I am aware this is a lot of liquid smoke in proportion to the two cups (or so) of batter. But I do try to stay as true to the recipe as possible and if you watch the clip below, you’ll see Homer uses a LOT of liquid smoke. It is a lot. But they’re Homer’s waffles, after all, so… when in Springfield…

While I made a point to identify myself as a traditionalist, for the most part I stand by that. But the caramel squares are a bit of a wild card here. If you opted for the caramel sauce, your life just got a lot easier. If you got the candy, you can crack open the squares and throw them on the batter as homer did, but I didn’t do that because I borrowed Katrina’s waffle iron (and that would play hell during cleanup).  They can also be arranged evenly through out the batter, though I warn you the insides of the candies will not even get warm before the waffle burns. Alternatively, you could slice the caramels thinner and then arrange them (a much better plan). Or you can do what I did and melt the caramels first in a double boiler and then add them to the batter.

If you go this route, be sure to add it to the batter that is already on the waffle iron, as the caramel congeals quickly and will not mix into the batter.

No matter what, unless you use caramel sauce, you’re going to have pockets or clumps of sweet caramel. No one is going to complain about that.

Don't forget to get some of that waffle runoff.

Don’t forget to get some of that waffle runoff.

At the end of the clip, Homer wraps it in a whole stick of butter and eats it like that. That is just a bridge too far, even for me. I can’t do that. I physically can’t do that. The thought of biting into a stick of butter or margarine makes me queasy. I opted instead to use a normal, tolerable amount of butter. I don’t recommend syrup because the waffle itself is pretty sweet and tiptoes my sickly-sweet threshold.  You may have a higher tolerance than I do. My brother always did (he is the inventor of the Ice Cream Sundae Eclair Doughnut), so I might be kind of a sugar wuss. So try it how you like it. You might even like an entire stick of butter with it.

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Don’t take MY word for it.

One final caveat: With cheaper waffle irons, there is going to be uneven heat distribution. With normal waffles, this is no big deal. When dealing with the caramels, you may want to avoid that spot as the caramel will burn long before your batter is crispy if the hotspots are too high. My waffles were noticeably darker in the middle rim, as is usually the case with the smaller Cuisinart brand irons.

They even look pretty good.

They even look pretty good.

This recipe makes three to four normal size waffles, give or take the amount of butter you need to accompany them. Above is an undoctored photo… they can turn out very well: crispy and golden brown, sweet and smokey.

And don’t throw away that liquid smoke. It’s also great in everything. Ever.

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